🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?